Hold On
by Hades'Queen
Summary: Luna needs someone to save her from herself and her savior is the unlikeliest person. SnapeLuna One-Shot


Disclamaire: Characters belong to J. K. Rowling. Song that inspired fic. by Good Charlotte called "Hold on" .  
  
A/N: I like this song (though the whole thing about knowing what you go through I don't agree with it because there are many different problems.) and the second I heard of it I thought about poor Luna.  
  
Summary: Luna has changed drastically. Everyone notices and someone, a very unlikely person, helps her.  
  
Hold On It was Luna's sixth year. Luna had always been a little off, but at the end of last year when she was standing in a hallway Harry Potter yelled at her to be normal. He completely and thoroughly made her feel like crap. What was worst was that the hall way was practically full. Snape, McGonegall, Malfoy, Boot, Cho and several others whom she couldn't make out becasue she was walking away very quickly as her eyes blurred. Since than she had pretty much become silent and was practically part of the shadows.  
  
Ginny often tried to get her to talk to her, but Luna would always respond in very short answers through a deadpan voice. Ginny couldn't even search her odd friends eyes for answers because her once bright eyes had become dull and lifeless. Ginny could only tell that Luna was very much affected by Harry's harsh words.  
  
Those words caused Hermione, Ron, McGonegall and Ginny to get pissed off at Harry. Harry of course had apologized for them, but it didn't matter if he did because the damage was done. He also tried to explain that it was because he didn't relly have anyone and that everything was getting to him. And that on that day he was feeling very frustrated and that Luna didn't help the situation.  
  
Dumbledore and McGonegall seemed to be the only ones to understand Harry. They knew he had alot of stress and that he was bound to crack at some point. Dumbledore almost expected that Luna would be the victim of his stress, but of course Dumbledore seemed to be all knowing.  
  
Well anyway back to the story, Luna was currently sitting in her usual seat at the Ravenclaw table working on her homework. It was a dark and gloomy day, and that was the only real reason Luna had come to the Great Hall. She didn't like much going to the great hall when it was sunny, because it reminded Luna of happiness, which she couldn't even remember ever feeling.  
  
It was around five or six and Dinner would be starting soon. Luna noticed a couple students entering the great hall. She watched them come in gossiping with smiles on their faces. She looked down and went back to what she had been doing, writing, trying to let her pain subside. She wouldn't ever admit it to anyone, but she would have liked to at least once been able to walk around with three girlfriends gossiping about who liked who. However, she was not normal and that was due to her horrible childhood.  
  
Luna had never told anyone about what had happened. She had not told them that after her mother died her father took up drinking. She had not told them that when her father got really drunk he took to beating the crap out of her. She had not told them that she had been hospitalized at least five times a year from the severities of her injuries. And she had never told anyone that the reason she didn't mind being called Loony was because it was much better than being beat.  
  
Of course there was possibly one person who knew about her situation and that was none other than Albus Dumbledore. And she wasn't even sure if he had kept that to himself. She was sure that maybe he had at least told Professor McGonegall and her head of house. Of course if he did, they really didn't let it show. Although Dumbledore knew and he didn't show anything.  
  
But than again he treated her the same way he treated every other student. Although recently he began to show actual concern for her. He had even gone as far as he requesting to speak to her privately in his office. He had asked her many questions, but of course to no avail. She would not disclose any information that was of any use to any one. Not that she had said much.  
  
Luna shook her head and grabbed her things. She got up and was about to leave when she ran right into Snape. He looked down on her and glared. Luna didn' even stir, she just looked him straight in the eyes with her blunt weary ones. This of course bothered Snape much because he knew that he instilled no fear into her, though, he never had and he knew that. You can't exactly scare someone who is completely out of touch with the world around them. The other thing that bothered him was that Luna was growing to be a very impressive height. Her eyes where the level of Snapes nose.  
  
"Excuse me," she said and walked around him. She walked out of the hall and continued to walk toward her hiding place. She walked out of the castle and it looked like the heavens where almost ready to weep. She than continued to walk toward the forest. She was unaware of the large shadow that followed her as she entered the Dark Forest. She walked for a couple minutes going northeast. Once she reached a tree that was broken she went the way the fallen tree trunk seemed to be pointing to. After a couple of minutes she reached a small clearing, with a small pond in the middle and a weeping willow next to the pond. What was truly strange was the fact that in the small clearing there was that there was grass on the floor. A patch of green sorounded by forest floor.  
  
She walked over to the weeping willow and hid her writing in the trunk of the tree. Than she sat down on the floor and leaned against the trunk. It wasn't cold yet so she could sit there without freezing. After all it was only the month of september and the cold seemed to be delaying. For this Luna was grateful. Luna looked into the pond and wished that the water would entertain her like it usually did.  
  
Luna crawled a little closer to the pond and looked in. Soon enough the water rose up in a single line and danced in the air. Luna smiled inside. A little light snuck into her lifeless eyes. The water floated and danced around Luna. Luna could see the droplets and almost let a smile slip onto her face but restrained. The string of water than dove back into the small magical pond. The little bit of light in Luna's eyes dimened.  
  
Luna sighed and laid down. She looked up into the branches of the tree and watched how the vines fell gracefully from it. Slowly small droplets started to fall into the pond. Luna turned to see it fall. She was currently not getting wet because the tree was sheltering her. Soon the rain started to fall hard and soon enough the tree was getting drenched and drops started to seep through. But Luna didn't even stirr as they fell on her face and on her bare legs. She closed her eyes and could vaquely remember her mother and her runing through the rain and playing.  
  
Luna opened her eyes when she felt a cold breeze. She sat up and crawled back to the trunk of the tree. She sat against the trees trunk and hugged her arms as she could feel it getting colder. You would think she would get up and go back to school, but she didn't care too much about freezing to death. Unfortunately someone did.  
  
Severus Snape came out from where he was hiding, soaking wet and walked up to Luna Lovegood. Luna was surprised to see him emerge from the forest dripping wet, but didn't show it. She just stared at him with her dull eyes.  
  
"Ms. Lovegood would you like to freeze to death?" he asked.  
  
"Do I have a choice?" she asked in a deadpan voice looking at him blankly. He glared at her.  
  
"No you don't," He answered. Luna than got up and began to walk away Snape didn't care, he merely followed her and walked behind her toward the fallen tree. Once she reached it she proceeded southwest. "That will also be fifty points from Ravenclaw and I will owl you your detention. Hopefully you'll be assigned to Filch," he said coldly.  
  
When they finally emerged out of the forest Luna began to walk slower toward the castle. Snape was walking a couple of paces behind her and with his quick strides he found himself next to her. "Why have you slowed down?" he asked.  
  
"Tired," she responded not turning to look at him. Luna could hear him growl though it was really not audible. He slowed his pace to match her strides. It took them about three minutes to reach the castle door. When they reached it Snape took out his wand and muttered a drying charm on his cloathes. When he looked up he noticed that Luna was still standing there dripping wet staring at him.  
  
"Why aren't you drying yourself off," he asked in an annoyed voice.  
  
"I don't have my wand with me," she responded. Snape's eyes widened.  
  
"What?" he spat. "You didn't take your wand with you when you entered the forest!" he asked his eyes turning livid with anger and his voice rising. Luna didn't seem fazed. "Do you know how idiotic that was? Do you have any idea what danger you had put yourself in?" Here he paused expecting an answer.  
  
"I'm not afraid of anything and I have no problem if some dark creature attacks me and kills me. Really if you ask me those where idiotic questions you asked. And on top of that I have been going into the forest like that since my second year and nothing has ever happened and I have become confident and sure that nothing would happen," she responded. This was the longest answer she had EVER given that made sense. Snape glared at her and his hands shook in anger. "Now if you don't mind I'd like to be able to go change," she continued in the same deadpan voice. She than walked around him and continued to Ravenclaw.  
  
Severus, however, grabbed her by the arm roughly and dragged her down to the dungeons. This was so surprising to Luna that it even registered on her face, but he didn't notice. Whe they reached his dungeon he closed the door and walked them up to the front of the class. There he let go of her arm and turned to look at her.  
  
"So you want to die?!" he asked. She raised her left eyebrow.  
  
This world  
  
This world is cold  
  
But you don't  
  
You don't have to go  
  
"You know you're not the only one that feels like this," he started clamly and almost gently. Luna raised an eyebrow at this. "It is a known fact that the world is cold and cruel, but that is not enough to take away your life."  
  
Your feeling sad your feeling lonely  
  
And no one seems to care  
  
Your mothers gone and your father hits you  
  
This pain you cannot bear  
  
But we all bleed the same way as you do  
  
And we all have the same things to go through  
  
"I know that your feeling lonely because no one knows tha predicament your in and they wouldn't understand. And it must seem to you like no one cares," he said.  
  
"What would you know?" Luna said. She didn't in particularly like to be told what she was feeling. Especially not by Snape.  
  
"Your mothers dead," he said. She looked up at him and glared. "Your father beats you," he continued and her eyes widened.  
  
"How do you know?" she asked.  
  
"Dumbledore. And I know you can't bear it and that it seems that there is one way out, but it really isn't," he said. Luna went over to a desk feeling that it would be a while before she could leave. (I like Snape better when he was growling at me.) Luna thought. "I can't really say that everyone goes through the same, but we do all loose someone and at some point we all feel that there was someone abusing us."  
  
"Yeah," Luna said. Snape didn't feel that he was getting through to her so he was going to tell her what had happened to him. He went over and sat next to her on the desk not leaving alot of space between them.  
  
"My mother and my father fought alot when I was young. It was horrible to see them," he started. Luna turned to look at him. "When I was thirteen my mother decided she would leave my father while at the same time forsaking me. When she left my father became enraged and turned to beat me for the slightest slip up. If I messed up the wording in a sentence, if I didn't speek properly, if I didn't get the best grades, if I stumbled, if I fell, If I did anything near clumsy I would get a beeting. If I slouched I would get beat." he said.  
  
"Is that the reason you are so poise?" she asked.  
  
"Well, yes. When I was growing up here in Hogwarts I didn't have many friends and I was teased alot. By the time I was sixteen I didn't really want to live and well I did something very stupid," he said. Luna looked at him questioningly. "I slit my wrists. Fortunately someone found me and got me to the hospital wing on time. After that everything went down hill. And I still find myself waiting for something to realize that it was worth my while."  
  
Hold on if you feel like letting go  
  
Hold on it gets better than you know  
  
"Dumbledore always asked me just to hold on and well I have been holding on since," he said. Luna had been following until now.  
  
"How is this suppose to help me?" she asked. "Why can't I just die yet? I mean you've been waiting forever why should I?" she asked.  
  
"Well I'm not willing to admit this to anyone else, but teaching is really seeming to make it worth it and on top of that I am still righting a wrong that I have comited." he responded.  
  
"Days last an eternity," Luna said vaquely. "I can't imagine having to live more than 365 of them."  
  
"Well at least the night goes by fast," he said.  
  
"No they don't."  
  
The days, you say they're way too long  
  
And your nights, you can't sleep at all  
  
And you're not sure what you're waiting for but you don't want to no more  
  
And you're not sure what you're looking for but you don't want to no more  
  
"All right so your days are too long and you don't sleep well, that's what it feels like to everyone," he said.  
  
"What are you waiting for? Or what are you looking for? Do you know?" she asked.  
  
"Not at all, but I'm sure that when I know I'll know," he said.  
  
"Well I'm not willing to wait years and years for it. I'm tired of waiting for something to change or something that would make living worth while," Luna said.  
  
But we all bleed the same way as you do  
  
And we all have the same things to go through  
  
Hold on if you feel like letting go  
  
Hold on it gets better than you know  
  
Don't stop looking your one step closer  
  
Don't stop searching its not over  
  
Hold on  
  
Severus looked at her saddly. He would do anything just to make her happy, just to make her eyes shine again. And then he thought about something. "Well you really only have to wait until you are old enough to move out and be able to take care of yourself. That will at least get you away from the abuse," he said. Luna looked at him and thought about it. It was true, but then again it would be two years for her to finish her seven years at Hogwarts and that seemed far too long.  
  
"That's two years away. I can't bear it any longer and I don't want to wait two years," she said.  
  
"Everything will get better Luna," he said gently and what surprised her was that he uttered her name. "And really it won't be so long. And well I could get in a lot of trouble for suggesting this, but you don't have to wait until your seventeen. Your sixteeen right now and that means your of age. You can move out of your fathers house, but then who would you stay with?"  
  
"I never thought of that. Do you think that Professor Dumbledore would let me stay at Grimmauld?" she asked.  
  
"Well I don't know, but you have a whole year to decided Luna," Snape said. Luna noded seemingly convinced to hold out, to live. However the idea of dying and getting through with life quickly was still more appealing.  
  
"Suicide is still more appealing," she said. Snape sighed and he raised his sleeves to expose his two wrists. He bared them to her and she could see two large scars, the remain of a nasty cut. She looked at them and looked back up to Snape.  
  
"I survived and I am glad I did. If I didn't than I wouldn't be able to aid Professor Dumbledore in this war and if I didn't than Professor Dumbledore would not know what the Dark Lord was up to."  
  
What are you looking for  
  
What are you waiting for  
  
Do you know what your doing to me  
  
GO AHEAD  
  
What are you waiting for  
  
"Is that what you had been waiting for?" she asked. He looked at Luna intently trying to think of a suitable answer. At one point he had thought that the reason that he continued to live was to aid Professor Dumbledore in this task. He had to help in the war and that was his reason for living. Or that's what he had thought, until recently. Recently he began to think that what he was waiting for was not a task, but more of a person. Someone that understood him, shared his pain, someone of intelligence. What he hadn't expected was this person would be about twenty years his Junior.  
  
"Not anymore. Now I have decided that I have two missions in life. One is to help bring back the light and the other is to at least reach out to one person," he responded. Luna hopped off the desk.  
  
"Well Hopefully this one person isn't me for I will not change my frame of mind. There is no reason I should," Luna said. Severus stood up and held both her arms and held Luna at arms length.  
  
"Luna, your hardship are not enough of a reason for you to take your own life. It is no reason for you to miss out on your life! You have not yet learned to live! Don't you understand that this will soon pass and when it does you will be able to do other things, like fall in love," Severus said.  
  
"Thanks for trying Professor Snape, but coming from you it was very useless, seign how you yourself are very lonely. Those years that you have lived after your 'accident' where a waste of time and only served to turn you bitter and snide," she said in a deadpan voice. Severus didn't much feel offended because he found truth in her words. It was true, but still he had managed to get by.  
  
This made Severus mind race he had to do something. He had to get through to her. And then he did the unthinkable, the unimaginable, the uncocievable. He kissed her! Luna's eyes widened and thought 'What the hell!' So far she was having an insane day. And Severus' mind took a moment to realize what he was doing, yet he didn't regret it. It had simply been too long and Luna wasn't exactly pulling away. He even dared to think that she was leaning in.  
  
Luna didn't much like just standing there, having her hands held at her sides while Snape kissed her. She wriggled her arms out of his grip and wrapped her arms around his neck. To tell the truth this had been much better than she had ever dared to dream of. She had never been kissed and she was sure that this was great. And yes Severus too, was enjoying it.  
  
Severus opened his eyes and sat up in bed. His chamber was dark and he could feel a draft. He wiped off a tear that had streaked down his cheek. He had just dreamed of what happened a year ago. Luna would be seventeen now, but sadly she had died at the end of her sixth year. She fought bravely with Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny. She dived in front of Harry Potter when Avada Kadavra was sent his way.  
  
Severus wasn't so sure anymore if he should have survived. He had no reason to live. He had fulfilled both his missions and now there was nothing left. He no longer had anything to hold on to. There was no reason to live anymore. And what pained him more was that he would never see Luna again.  
  
Hold on if you feel like letting go  
  
Hold on it gets better than you know  
  
Don't stop looking your one step closer  
  
Don't stop searching its not over...hold on 


End file.
